


Restless

by StarlightXNightmare



Category: Video Blogging RPF, jacksepticeye
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Bottling Things Up, Comfort, Cuddling, Fluff, Insecurities, Late night talks, Memories, Mentions of Nightmares, Mentions of Past Suicide Attmept, Mentions of Self Deprecating Thoughts, Mentions of past injury, Subtle Mentions of Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-14 22:23:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15398820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarlightXNightmare/pseuds/StarlightXNightmare
Summary: There were few reasons that could keep the hero up when his body was so exhausted.





	Restless

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sure we've all been kept up by our thoughts before, right? What kinds of thoughts keep you all up? Mine are either embarrassing moments or self deprecating.

For once the halls of the house owned by its four inhabitants was silent—there was no loud, enthusiastic shouting, no crackles or pops of magic, no frustrated hisses, defeated sighs, no laughter. The only sound in the house were the soft footsteps of the only one awake. It could've been any of them up—Jackie got home an hour or two before this time but normally was asleep by 5 am, Marvin sometimes stayed up this late if he was reading or practising for his next show, Schneep was often awake at this time working, and Chase was either woken up by nightmares or kept awake by his thoughts. This time it was the hero who was awake.

Most of the time the night of patrolling and fighting crime wore Jackie out enough that he fell asleep relatively quickly, if not when he collapsed on his bed or fell through the window, but there were occasions like tonight—where the hero's body was tired but his mind wasn't.

Jackie was a naturally restless person. He had to be doing something—anything really—or he'd go stir crazy. There were few reasons that could keep the hero up when his body was so exhausted.

Hunched over with his head cradled in his hands, he sat at the kitchen table. He kept his breathing steady as his mind threatened to collapse on itself. It had been a nightmare—a vividly terrifying one but a nightmare nonetheless. It was had to convince himself it was all a figment of his imagination when a lot of his dreams could become reality with one mistake.

After waking up, he impulsively got out of bed and checked the house, double checking everything was locked up and that everyone was soundly asleep (he did have to carry Schneep to his room though since he had fallen asleep at his desk). He didn't want to go back to sleep in fear that something bad may happen if he did. He'd never admit it but he worried— _a lot_. He could just hide it well. Of course he did: he worked each day on the deep web, tracking down illegal operations and fought crime on a daily basis. It wasn't just his worries that made him anxious, it was also his past actions. Like the time he set The Doll Maker to his death by giving him Lucas's room number. It was either his own life, the life of an innocent woman, or The Doll Maker's. He may have been a vile, psychotic man but Jackie hadn't wanted him dead—just locked up and unable to hurt anyone else.

His nightmares consisted of fragments of memories, his worries, and fears. Nightmares about past enemies and fights, about everything that could go wrong, about losing his friends, about failing...

His nightmares made him think about a lot of stuff really but mainly of how dangerous his job was. Sure he knows being a hero is dangerous—to himself and his friends—but it never really registers while on patrol or in the heat of a fight. It only really registered in his mind after a dangerous fight or when he was crawling back through the window—sometimes quite literally—with injuries all over his body. But just because his job was dangerous didn't mean that he was going to up and quit it. Lots of jobs were dangerous.

Especially because Anti was still at large.

There were moments where he doubted his capabilities and his decisions—he didn't have superpowers or didn't know what to do in certain situations. The time where he had been taken by The Doll Maker and nearly turned into a doll. The first time he had a gun pointed at him. The times where he hid in the bathroom or closet while being pursued for being on the deep web. When Anti nearly slit his throat wide open. The time when he had learned someone had hired an assassin to take him out. The times where he had to limp or crawl home. When he failed to save a citizen. The time where Jack had been haunted by Anti and everyone dismissed him as crazy. When Marvin had been jumped and had his face slashed up. The time where the hospital Schneep worked at had gone up in flames while he had been on his shift. The time where Chase tried to kill himself.

He'd never forget those memories. They played over and over in his head and in his nightmares, mocking him for everything he couldn't do or everyone he couldn't help.

Just because a _few_ things... _rattled_ him didn't mean that he'd hang up his suit. People still needed him! Just seeing the relief on people's faces when they saw him—knowing that he'd helped someone—made it all worth it. The pain, fear, uncertainty, scars... they were all so insignificant knowing he protected the citizens.

These things shouldn't bother him as much as they did; he should be expecting these kinds of things. He most certainly shouldn't even be thinking about quitting over things that happen to heroes—some to ordinary people—all the time. His friends always offered to help him—let him talk to them about his problems—and while he really wanted to take them up on their offer, he knew he couldn't. He should be able to deal with these problems on his own because he's a hero—he helps people, not the other way around.

A soft voice startled him out of his thoughts. "Jackie? Didn't you get home like two hours ago? What're you doing up?"

Jackie glanced over out of the corner of his eye to see Chase standing in the doorway to the living room. He cleared his throat. "Mmm? Yeah... I got back a while ago." He chose to ignore the last question, narrowing his eyes. "What are _you_ doing up?"

An offended noise rose from Chase. "Hey! I asked first!"

Jackie couldn't help but huff a laugh at Chase's overdramatics. "Fine... I dunno... 'M feeling a bit restless. Sue me." A pause broken only by Chase's thoughtful hum. "What about you?"

"Woke up and needed a glass of water." He shrugged. "Don't really feel like going back to sleep." He slipped into the kitchen, passing Jackie to rummage through the cabinets. "So... why _are_ you out here?"

Jackie frowned. "I just said I was-"

"Yeah I know," Chase cut in, pulling out a mug. He stopped. "Do you want hot chocolate?"

"Chase, it's the middle of July."

"Who gives a shit?"

Silence. "Yeah that'd be nice."

Chase pulled out another mug. "As I was saying: I know what you said. It's just that you're lying."

The hero raised an eyebrow. "Oh really?"

"Yes really." More rummaging through the cabinets. "Where the _fuck_ did Schneep move them?" He muttered under his breath. A noise of triumph was made as Chase withdrew his hand from the cabinet with a cylinder of cocoa. "If you were restless then you'd be pacing or something—roaming the house. Or out on a walk. Not sitting at the kitchen table in the dark." He filled the mugs with milk.

Jackie hummed, not too surprised that Chase picked up on that. He always was the most observant of others' emotions. "I'm really tired," he agreed. "I'm more... _mentally_ restless." He muttered as Chase stuck the two mugs in the microwave.

"I know the feeling."

Jackie chose not to comment on Chase's statement and instead lapsed into a comfortable bout silence as the microwave worked.

After Chase popped open the door to the microwave before it began to beep was when Jackie spoke again. "What woke you?"

The other man didn't answer until he dumped two tablespoons of cocoa into each mug. "Dreams," he replied vaguely.

"Nightmares?"

He let out a breath. "Sorta." 

Jackie's eyebrows knit together in confusion. "Sort of?"

Chase sighed, struggling for words. "Just the dreams where things start off pretty good and by the end it's just eerie and soul crushing. Where they leave you feeling weird and... I dunno... _off_."

More silence as Chase stirred both the drinks, spoons clanking gently against porcelain. Another moment passed before Chase wandered back to the table and slid a drink in front of Jackie.

"Thanks," he muttered, wrapping his hands around the mug. The warmth the drink provided was enough to make him melt. The hot chocolate had been a good idea—the warm liquid soothed his troubled mind and made him even more tired than before.

Once he finished his drink, he stood and stretched, exhaling slowly as his spine cracked before setting his mug in the sink. "Thanks for the hot cocoa. I think I'm going to turn in now; I'm beat."

"Umm... Jackie?" Chase's voice was hushed, meek and shy. That alone was enough to make Jackie turn to face his direction. The sight of red splattered across Chase's normally pale complexion wasn't too surprising based off his softer tone.

"Yeah?"

"Can I..." he tapered off before mumbling something in a much quieter voice than before.

Jackie nearly didn't catch what he said. He blinked in surprise. The request wasn't uncommon per say but it wasn't an everyday occurrence either.

"Never... nevermind," Chase muttered dejectedly, face a much brighter red than before as he got up to put his mug in the sink alongside Jackie's.

"No no no!" Jackie said quickly. "I don't mind at all! Just wasn't expecting it."

The flustered man muttered a quiet thanks and followed Jackie to his room. Chase crawled onto the bed first, pressing himself against the wall, lying on his side to give Jackie enough room to sprawl out on his back with an arm slung over the side of the bed. Jackie tugged the blanket over their bodies and noticed Chase was abnormally tense.

"Thanks for this. Sorry if it causes you any trouble..." Chase whispered quietly, tentative to break the silence of the room. Jackie knew what Chase was implying: "Sorry I'm being a bother."

Jackie laid his hand on Chase's upper arm. "It's really no problem, sunshine. You're not being a bother; needing help falling asleep isn't something to be ashamed of. Everyone has problems falling asleep sometimes. Just because you have more problems than most doesn't mean you're being a bother asking for help."

Chase's body lost most the tension, muscles relaxing at Jackie's words. "I know... just... hard not to think that way."

The hero understood what Chase was implying to some extent. It was hard for him to pull himself out of the mindset that whenever he needed help he was bothering others. Just like it was hard for himself to pull himself out of the mindset that just because he was a hero meant that he couldn't ask for help—that being a hero didn't mean carrying everyone's and his own problems on his shoulders by himself.

Jackie didn't object when Chase scooched closer and clung to his side like a koala with separation anxiety, arms wrapped around his torso. While Jackie hated sleeping on his side (it felt like his insides were being squished together and it left him in a vulnerable position should anyone attack him while he was sleeping), he could make an exception for tonight. He rolled onto his side and wrapped Chase up in a hug, resting his chin on top of Chase's head. Though the position itself was uncomfortable, there was something... comforting... holding someone close to you while the two were in a vulnerable state such as sleeping.

"Night, Chase," Jackie mumbled, eyes closing.

"G'night, Grey," Chase responded foggily, opting to use Jackie's real name in such a private moment.

Despite Jackie finding sleeping on his side awkward and vulnerable, he slept soundly for the first time in a while. Despite Chase's intrusive thoughts about how he was being a bother, he fell asleep quickly and stayed asleep, no nightmares or any other dreams bothering him. Maybe this is just what the two needed all along.

**Author's Note:**

> Also I'd like to mention the fact that this is the second fic where Jackie's called Chase sunshine and I've never bothered to explain it lol. Essentially Jackie likes calling Chase that because he likes reminding him that he's one of the bright spots of his life. Chase is typically a rather happy, bubbly, energetic kind of guy so he kind of also coined the nickname for him since Chase tries to look on the bright side of life.


End file.
